The long road
by Mia805
Summary: Set after Chuck disappeared to Bangkok.Blair is struggling with an "old" problem and Chuck with the loss of his father. This is my take on how they find their way back together.
1. Chapter 1

**The long road**

Blair Waldorf felt drained out. Physically as well as emotionally. The last week had been nothing but a blur and Blair couldn't remember what she had been doing. Somewhere in her clouded mind she knew she was acting like a robot but she couldn't help it.

She got up in the morning, got dressed and after having breakfast she went in her room and emptied the contents of her stomach in the toilet bowl. It was quite a routine by now.

When Blair went out she easily fouled people in believing that she was perfectly fine. Blair Waldorf was a good actress after all. Her whole life she had learnt to always seem perfectly well and put together.

Her best friend however wasn't fouled that easy. And as hard as Blair tried, Serena knew. Knew that Blair was slowly falling apart, knew that Blair Waldorf now was in a dark place beyond reach.

But the thing that scared Serena the most was the knowledge of the ways Blair was capable of hurting herself.

However Serena van der Woodsen was never one to stand on the sidelines, so she decided to take action. She would put her friend back together piece per piece no matter how long it would take or what would have to be done.

If anyone would have asked Dorota which day Blair Waldorf had started to fall apart, she would have answered: "The night after Bart Bass' funeral when Mister Chuck had disappeared."

In former days Dorota never had been a fan of the young Bass. Not only was he arrogant and spoiled, but also cruel and dark. His presence had always sent shivers down her spine.

Lately however Dorota had become fonder of Charles Bass. She had seen how happy Miss Blair had been after the van der Bass' wedding. Of course Dorota could have killed the boy after he had abandoned her beloved Miss Blair on that helipad last year.

But since then she had watched the two. She had witnessed the way Chuck looked at Blair when he thought nobody would notice, Dorota had seen the affection in the boy's eyes and somehow the conclusion dawned to her that when being together Mister Chuck and Miss Blair increased a sparkle that soon turned into a bright light surrounding them.

But since the night Chuck had left Miss Blair again, Blair's eyes had lost their sparkle and her gaze was hollow and unfocussed.

Dorota was brought back to reality by the suddenly opening elevator doors.

"Dorota, is Blair at home?"

Dorota let out a breath of relief she didn't even know she was holding. Miss Serena was here and she would know how to help Miss Blair getting better. She just had to.

"Miss Blair upstairs in her room Miss Serena."

With that Serena nodded and climbed up the stairs to Blairs' self-chosen prison.

Chuck Bass was in a dark place. Since the day his father had died he felt numb, cold and utterly alone.

But for a moment when Blair had told him what he had longed for her to say for quite a while now ("Because I love you") the numbness had vanished for a brief second and Chuck had been washed over with emotion.

He had seen the sincerity of her words reflected in her eyes and all he had wanted to do in this precise moment was to hold her tight and never let go. However with the emotion the pain, the hurt and the anger had come back and Chuck had closed himself up once again.

With the words – and their crudelity still rang in his ears- "that's too bad" he had fled the scene leaving a heartbroken Blair behind.

Later the day after Lily had spoken to him the numbness had been chased away once again when the meining of her words had entered his clouded and closed up mind.

After what had seemed like an eternity he had thrown the paper which held Lily's best kept secret in the fire and called his driver to bring him to the place he desperately had wanted to be.

Dorota had let him in casting worried side glances at him as she had led him up the stairs to Blair's bedroom.

"I'll get Miss Blair for you Mister Chuck. You wait in here."

With those words she had stepped out of the room leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Chuck had glanced around the room which was so much Blair. Simply elegant with a note of Chanel Nr.5.

With a shrug Chuck hat sat down on her bed on which they had experienced happier times.

Images of Blair shuddering beneath him and moaning his name had entered his mind.

But those happy times seemed like a lifetime ago.

When Blair had finally entered her room Chuck could tell she was angry. After all he had humiliated her with his words earlier whereas she had put her feelings as well as her heart on the table.

Her harsh words spoken with just a little hint of venom "what you think you doing here?" had confirmed her anger to him.

He had glanced a brief look at her but it had been enough. Her eyes had immediately softened. Seeing him broken and sensing his vulnerability reflected in his eyes she had rushed over to him and had wrapped her arms protectively around him.

And there in her bedroom inhaling her scent Chuck had himself allowed to lean back in her embrace.

For the first time since his father had died Chuck had been able to let go. Although no sound had escaped his lips tears had been slowly falling down his cheeks.

Chuck had cried silently for his father, his mother, for Blair, for all the things he couldn't say to her, for all the feelings he held for her but somehow wasn't able to express.

Despite the sometimes even cruel things they had done to each other and despite his earlier rejection Blair had felt her heart aching for him and she had let him cry.

After what had felt like hours in which Blair just had hold him tight to her body comforting him and Chuck clutching her hand desperately both of them had fallen asleep exhausted.

Chuck had woken up a few hours later in the darkness. For a moment he had been confused and disorientated. Then he had felt an arm securely wrapped around his waist and he could remember where he was and why he was here.

He had carefully turned around eager not to wake her up. God she was beautiful, her soft brown curls had been spread around the sheets and Chuck couldn't stop himself from caressing her cheek with his thump.

She had looked so peaceful and at ease. And there lying in her bed Chuck knew. Knew that he couldn't be with her. Couldn't drag her down with him. He was a lost soul and she deserved someone much better than him Someone who could give her everything she deserved and so much more. Someone who could tell her he loved her.

Although a little voice in his head had told him he also did this for himself – because in the end everybody had left him and she would too – he had known the main reason for him leaving her was for her.

In his eyes leaving her was the most selfless thing he had ever done. Without him she could, no she would be happy.

Nonetheless he had written the note because he wanted her to understand and he absolutely didn't want her trying to safe him.

He had put the sheets around her tiny frame and he had been about to leave when he had stopped and turned around once again to look at her for the last time memorizing every little detail about her.

Being on the street in front of her building he had watched her window before stepping into the night welcoming the comforting embrace of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/****N. I just realized that I didn't write anything on my first chapter. As this is my first fanfiction story ever I was so excited to upload it that I forgot to introduce myself. So here it goes: My name is Mia and I'm a huge fan of Gossip Girl especially of Chuck and Blair.**

**This chapter the two of them will still be apart, but next chapter they will come closer together.**

**So thanks for reading. Feedback is very much appreciated and reviews make my day xoxo ;-), Mia**

***********

Serena didn't bother to knock on Blair's door. With energy she pushed the door open and swirled inside the room. "B, I know you're upset, but the two of us will go shopping now, because I urgently need…".Serena stopped in her tracks, as Blair was nowhere to be seen.

She was slightly confused, hadn't Dorota told her several minutes ago that Blair was home? She stepped further in the room and glanced around. The sheets of the bed were messy which was so unlike Blair and the floor was covered with different colourful papers. Serena stopped dead in her tacks as she took a closer look at the floor and recognized what was really spread around the whole room. It weren't - as she had first assumed – simple papers but several packings from different sorts of now empty chocolate bars.

Knowing that this could only mean one thing, Serena frantically called out for her best friend "B? Blair?" When she didn't get an answer, Serena quickly hurried over to Blair's bathroom door scared of what she might find there. With even more force than she had opened the door to Blair's bedroom she pushed it open.

And for the second time she stopped dead in her tracks.

There on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet bowl lay Blair Waldorf.

"Oh my god, B, B, can you hear me?" Serena was next to her best friend in an instant. With trembling fingers she checked the pulse of the tiny brunette. Relief washed over her, as she realized that there was a slight pulsation against her fingertips and that Blair's chest was falling and rising with a steady rhythm.

With her hands shaking, Serena took her cell phone out of her large designer bag which she had received from Blair for her last birthday and dialled the emergency phone number.

***********

Several hundreds of miles away, Chuck Bass woke up in a foreign bad and not for the first time this week he felt disorientated. He sat up and glanced around. Slowly his cloudy mind cleared and he remembered where he was: somewhere in Bangkok, in a filthy hotel that for sure as hell wasn't one of those two, Bass' Industries owned in Bangkok.

Chuck had arrived here last week and since then his nights were spent with drinking, smoking, women and drugs.

When he had checked in this hotel, he had told the receptionist that he didn't want to be bothered by maids or unannounced visitors.

The receptionist had been slightly taken aback by the arrogance of this boy who looked like hell with his bloodshot and dark circled eyes and who couldn't be older than eighteen years old.

"May I ask who you are young man?" he had asked with a voice that almost matched Chuck's arrogant tone.

"I'm Chuck Bass." The name Bass wasn't unfamiliar here in Bangkok and with a shrug the receptionist had given Chuck a key "Room 555".

Chuck all but stumbled in the bathroom. He splashed water in his face on for a second he caught his reflection in the mirror.

If he hadn't known it was him there reflected in the mirror he would have been shocked.

The expression of the boy staring back at him was one of a wild animal. He was pale, his hair was a mess and he definitely had lost weight he could tell as his cheekbones were more remarkable than ever.

And the next thing Chuck recognized was that he definitely was too sober right now as images of soft brown curly hair and deep chocolate brown eyes flashed through his mind.

He had tried not to think about her, but in those moments after waking up, after the effect of being drunk or/and drugged was gone his mind wasn't able to block out the images of Blair anymore. Blair. Just thinking her name caused his heart to clench tightly and he desperately ached to hold her in his arms again, to taste her again.

The second those thoughts invaded his mind he knew he needed a drink, a joint or even something stronger.

He had made a promise to himself. He had promised himself to stay the hell away from her. He was lost he knew. He couldn't take her down with him and he was going down so much he was sure of.

"_I will stand by you through anything"_-_ "_Fuck" he cursed loudly as those words nearly for the millionth time entered his mind uncalled. He was Chuck Bass after all and not some lovesick little boy who mourned over a girl or who desperately depended on a woman or any other human being for that matter. Plus he never had been a one-woman guy – so what was the big deal anyway? Blair shouldn't be a difference to those many other girls he had screwed. Somewhere deep in his mind he knew that all of this was bullshit and that Blair was not only **a** difference to all those other girls and women he had had, she was** all the** difference.

But those thoughts had to be shut down and had to be buried deep down somewhere where there weren't able to resurface ever again.

"_Because I love you."- _Oh yes it was definitely time for a drink.

***********

The last time Serena van der Woodsen had been scared like this had been in a hotel room with a guy who had od'ed and who had died afterwards causing her to run far away from her life abandoning everybody she deeply cared of.

She had been deeply relieved as the ambulance had arrived and the doctor had assured her that Blair would be ok.

Now she and Dorota were waiting in the crowed visitor area both anxious for news about Blair. During their wait, Serena had tried several times to call Eleanor and Cyrus, but until this moment with no success. Blair's mother and her stepfather were on their honeymoon right now and it seemed that they both had decided to spend those two weeks undisturbed.

"Miss van der Woodsen? Miss Waldorf is awake now, you can go and see her if you want to. Room 1877." The nurse who had announced Serena pointed to a large corridor and before Serena could ask her more questions about Blair and her condition she had disappeared as fast as she had appeared before.

"Dorota, would you wait here for a moment please? I need to speak to Blair in private first." Dorota who had been unnaturally quiet while they were waiting silently nodded her head in agreement.

Serena made her way over to room 1877. She carefully opened the door and was suddenly confronted with Blair's angry voice.

"You. Got. To. Be Kidding. Me." Serena scanned the room for a split second ,noticing that Blair's outburst was not directed at her but a nurse who was holding a hospital gown in one hand and who was looking slightly frightened.

"Where are you from? Brooklyn, Mars? Definitely not from this planet! You might be not aware of the fact that I'm Blair Waldorf! A Waldorf! Eleanor Waldorf is my mother! She owns a fashion label, do you hear me, my mom has her own fashion label and you...you really expect me to wear this...this thing? Get out! NOW!

There was no need for Blair to repeat her request, as the nurse practically fled the room.

Serena again felt a rush of relief after Blair's little outburst. The old Blair and her wit where still there and no matter how desperate Blair was right now and regardless of her relapse, Blair would be strong enough to fight her – and just thinking of the word made Serena shudder – bulimia.

"Look B, calm down, I ask Dorota to bring you some clothes."

Being addressed by her best friend, Blair lowered her head in shame. She couldn't remember a lot. The last thing was that she had rushed over to the toilet bowl and after retching into it she had felt dizzy.

The next thing she could remember was that she had awoken in this hospital bed surrounded by two nurses and a doctor who had checked her vitals and who had asked her several questions about her medical history.

Blair hadn't answered all of his questions and he had told her that he would return later.

"Miss Waldorf, I'm pretty aware of your condition and let me tell you it's serious. You're lucky that you're heart is still working properly. You're cardiovascular system was disturbed causing you to faint. I'll let you rest now, but I'll return later to discuss you're treatment options. Only one more thing if you keep doing what you're doing you're body may not recover the next time." With those words he had left the room.

Blair didn't want to think of the reason why she was here and she had concentrated her whole energy towards the nurse who had tried to give her that ugly hospital gown.

But now she was face to face with her worried best friend and she was ashamed that she had lost control and that Serena had witnessed it.

"B, what were you thinking? Why didn't you tell me? I was so worried, when you were unconscious, I…"

"S, stop, I'm fine, I was just dehydrated"

"Oh B don't give me that crap, I'm know that this is the cause of your old problem. I already tried to contact your parents but couldn't reach them."

"There is no need to call them S, I have everything under control."

"Blair…" Blair was spared to hear the rest, since Serena's cell phone started ringing.

"It's Nate, I spoke on his voice mail". She left the room, but let the door slightly open.

Blair caught some snippets of the conversation between her best friend and her former boyfriend, but soon lost interest.

But suddenly her attention was back. She had heard Serena saying Chuck's name and she started to listen closely.

"Really? Chuck's uncle called you? He knows where Chuck is? Bangkok? Oh yes Bass' Industrys owns two hotels there. What? He doesn't stay in one of them, but where…? The Crown? No I'm not going to tell her. Yeah I tell her you said hi and that you're going to visit her later. Yeah Nate, Blair is going to be fine, I'll make sure of that.

Ok, bye."

Chuck was in Bangkok? Blair wasn't sure of a lot of things in this moment, but one thing she knew with clear certainty right know, she didn't need treatment all she needed was Chuck.

As Serena entered Blair's room once again, she found Blair asleep. She quietly closed the door not knowing that her best friend just pretended to sleep forming a plan in her head.

**Tbc...**


	3. Chapter 3

Blair was exhausted. It seemed that the flight to Bangkok had taken almost an eternity.

Sneaking out of the hospital and in the Waldorf penthouse had been relatively easy. The doctors and nurses had been too busy to take notice of her and for the time being Serena had nowhere to be seen.

Determined to stay unnoticed, even by her maid, Blair had asked the doorman of the Waldorf apartment building of Dorota's whereabouts.

After he had informed her that Dorota had left the building over fifteen minutes ago, Blair had been relieved.

She had quickly made it upstairs and had put on a piece of clothes which most of the people around her didn't know she even possessed: a pair of skinny jeans, Serena had forced her to buy some time ago, insisting every women needed a pair o f those.

Normally Blair would have been disgusted with her choice but this time jeans exactly served her purpose. She needed to be incognito.

She had combined this fashion nightmare with a simple yet classy white blouse and a light brown jacket designed by her mother.

Despite her quest of being invisible to the outside world – especially to Gossip girl – she still was Blair Waldorf, the Queen B of Constance.

She had put her hair in a simple ponytail and her outfit had been completed with large sunglasses.

After Blair had finished her fashion activities, she had grabbed a big Louis Vuitton in which she had thrown her purse, containing her credit card and some make up.

She hadn't dared to hail a cab or to call a limo. The risk of being caught by one of Gossip Girl's spies had been too high. So Blair had done the unthinkable. She had taken the subway – an experience she didn't plan to repeat.

At the airport the had booked a ticket for the economy class, again an experience she wanted to delete from her memory.

So safety precautions had been necessary. She had had to make sure that nobody would be able to trace her and follow her.

Knowing Serena, Blair was sure that that would be something her bubbly best friend would do in an instant – and after all Serena now was really concerned of Blair's well-being.

But it was important for Blair to be alone with Chuck. She somehow knew she was the only person who would be able to reach though to him. If she was able to look in his eyes she would be able to bring him back – not only to New York but also back from that dark place he now seemed to be.

Blair was sure of it. She could bring the old Chuck back – her Chuck.

Well … of course technically he wasn't her Chuck – actually far from it – but he sometimes acted so different when he was around her than the Chuck Bass the rest of the world knew.

That Chuck Bass he showed the outside world was often cruel and arrogant.

Someone who could destroy another human being with a snip of his finger just because he was bored.

Someone who didn't care about the destruction he left behind, someone who didn't bother to look back.

But when he was with her he showed a softer side, a more vulnerable one.

The first time they had made love in the back of his limo that fateful night last year he had been so gentle with her, but yet so passionate.

When he had asked her if she was sure she had recognized that she might mean more to him than all those other girls he had had sex with in the past.

And the way he had looked at her while he had asked had clinched it for her. His gaze with those deep brown eyes had been so intense it had nearly burned her. She had never felt so wanted and beautiful in her entire life.

In that precious moment she had stopped thinking and had kissed him with all of her strength.

Although her first time hadn't been what she expected at all she now was glad it had been with Chuck.

It had taken her quite a while to come to this conclusion, because she always had imagined it with Nate. But now she knew that what she had felt for Nate was nothing compared what she felt for Chuck.

When he had given her the Erickson and Beamon necklace for her birthday it should have been obvious to her that she was special to him.

But all that was in the past- yet those memories were very important to her, because they indicated that maybe Chuck wasn't able to tell her he loved her he definitely cared about her and that she obviously was very special to him - now was the time to concentrate on the present and on the future – her future with Chuck.

Her stomach growled. Even though she had eaten on the plane, she immediately had run to the plane restroom after finishing the meal and had once again emptied her stomach in the little silver toilet bowl.

Somewhere deep down in her mind she was aware that she had reached a low and a very dangerous point, but right now she pushed those dark thoughts far away. If she could persuade to come back with her, everything would be okay and her "little" problem wouldn't be an issue anymore.

She quickly searched for a restroom to brush her teeth – she now always had a toothbrush with her – so the taste of vomit would be chased away and with that also the nagging feeling that her condition was by far more serious than she would or could admit.

After brushing her teeth and redoing her makeup she stepped out of the crowded airport and searched for a taxi.

Blair was a little bit irritated when she arrived at "The Crown". The hotel was set in a quite filthy area of Bangkok and Blair couldn't imagine that Chuck really should be staying here. She asked the taxi driver again if this was the right address. He assured her with his heavy accented English that this was indeed the one and only "The Crown" hotel in Bangkok.

With a shrug of her small shoulders Blair handed the man some bills and left the bad smelling vehicle.

She watched him drive off and made her way over to the not very inviting looking building.

While walking she turned on her cell phone only to witness that she had about twenty missed calls and even more unread messages from Serena, Nate and even Dorota.

She was relieved when she couldn't find her mother's name and cell phone number among all of those missed calls and messages.

Maybe there was a little chance that she could keep her little hospital stay a secret, because if her mother would find out, Blair's episodes had come back to surface she would sent her daughter away to a treatment centre and that meant away from Chuck. As this was something Blair didn't want to happen she would find a way to make sure her mother wouldn't find out.

She quickly checked one of the messages, Serena had sent and wasn't the slightest bit surprised that her best friend was more than concerned where Blair had disappeared to and that Serena firmly wanted to know about her whereabouts.

She decided to deal with her best friend later as she entered the hotel and approached the receptionist.

"I'm here to see Chuck Bass, could you please tell me his room number." Blair was getting nervous when the receptionist eyed her closely, his eyes travelling up and down her body.

"I'm sorry, young lady, but Mister Bass isn't seeing any visitors." After he had checked her out, he was sure that this girl wasn't one of the girls, Mister Bass usually associated with and Mister Bass had been very clear that he wouldn't see any other people than those "special" girls.

"I insist to see him right now." Blair wasn't the kind of girl who let herself get dismissed so easily.

"Sorry, but Mister Bass won't see you." The receptionist was determined to stand his ground.

"Oh, we'll see about that." Blair was about to walk over to the elevators, ready to search all of the rooms in this hotel for Chuck if she needed to, when the receptionist gave a small nod to a man standing next to the entrance door.

And before she even realized what was going on, she was roughly taken by her arm and only seconds later found herself outside of "The Crown".

She tried to get back in, but the man who seemed to be the security guard or whatsoever made it impossible for her to once again enter the hotel.

Since there was no taxi in sight – this area didn't seem to be a place where someone could hail a cab quite easily – and she desperately needed to see Chuck, Blair was determined to wait outside until he would show up.

She sat down on a small bench beside the hotel when it suddenly started to rain.

***********

Loud music was hammering through this club he had found a few days ago. Bright light was flashing through the room supporting the rhythm of the music. Chuck leaned against the bar watching his surroundings.

People were laughing, dancing and obviously enjoying themselves. Chuck felt like a complete stranger. He had never been one to actively take part in the action, because standing on the sidelines and observing people gave him so many opportunities to uncover well protected secrets and use them for his advantage.

But today he didn't feel comfortable. He envied those people who acted so carefree.

He definitely was too sober, but he couldn't get himself to drink. It was the day of Nate's birthday and as hard as Chuck fought of the thoughts of his friends, today he just wasn't able to. Even though his cell phone had buzzed several times, he didn't dare to look at it and simply had hit the delete button over and over again. He didn't want to hear of his friends and he didn't want to find out via Gossip Girl what there were up to. Especially not what a certain brunette was up to or if she had already found a new prince charming.

He was approached by two Asian girls who asked him if he wanted to go somewhere more privare with them.

He wrote down his room number 555 and told them to meet him there the next evening around 9p.m. because right now while thinking about Blair he wasn't in the mood to get it on with them.

He decided to leave as he had one or two joints left back in his hotel room which would be able to bring him some needed sleep.

When he arrived at the hotel and was about to get in, he caught a glimpse of a person on a bench who was sitting in the rain next to the hotel.

And then he stopped dead in his tracks – sitting right before him and shivering from the cold rain was Blair Waldorf starring at him with her chocolate brown eyes…

**Tbc. I'm a bit insecure about this fic, because it doesn't get a lot of reviews, but I hope you like it nonetheless. Thanks for reading and for those who do, thanks for reviewing. Feel free to tell me what you think and any suggestions and constructive critic is more than welcome.**

**xoxo, Mia**

**P.S. The next chapter will have definitely some Chuck and Blair action in it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone, thanks a lot for your amazing reviews and for those who put me on their favourite story/author list also a huge thanks – it really is a motivation to write.**

**So that chapter is all Chuck and Blair and I can promise that the next one will have even more Chuck and Blair action in it.**

**I hope you like it. Thanks for reading. And reviews and suggestions are as always highly appreciated ;-).**

**xoxo, Mia**

**P.S. I really loved Chair in the season 3 opener.**

Blair.

Chuck couldn't believe his eyes. And if he hadn't been as sober as he was right now – and hadn't been for quite a while now – he would have thought she was a hallucination. An imagination his mind had created to torture him.

But she seemed real, because as he blinked and opened his eyes again she was still there, her chocolate brown eyes staring at him with such intensity that it sent shivers of electricity down his spine.

His eyes travelled up and down her body while he was drinking in her appearance. He noticed immediately that she wasn't wearing some of her usual haute couture fashionable dresses – and she definitely had lost weight.

She was dressed in something, Chuck thought he would never see her wear – not even when hell would be freezing over: skinny jeans.

This was a view as absurd as this whole situation itself. But oh god was she beautiful.

The fact that she was here in Bangkok overwhelmed and scared him at the same time. She was the last person he had expected to see here (and if he was honest with himself he hadn't expected anyone at all to show up – not really).

Chuck had been thinking that she would have moved on by now – a thought that had hurt him but was something he had hoped for all the same.

He wanted her to be happy – she deserved it – happiness – and with him, he knew she could and would never have that. He was too damaged, broken beyond repair.

He was a creature of the darkness that absorbed every bit of light and happiness until there was nothing left.

Being with him would destroy her sooner or later – she was strong so it would probably take quite a while but in the end he would break her. Chuck was sure of that.

But being Blair Waldorf she hadn't acted like she was supposed to – she had disregarded his order not to come looking for him and now here she was – standing about two or three feet away from him, watching without saying a single word to him.

She just didn't play by the rules – his rules. Anger shot through him.

"What are you doing here?" His words were spoken with such harshness that she flinched.

"I came to find you." Chuck could barely hear her as her words were no more than a whisper spoken with softness and such a tenderness his heart clenched.

Immediately his features softened and all of a sudden his protective instinct kicked in.

Blair's clothes were soaked with water causing her to shiver from the cold and Chuck wondered how long she had been sitting there on that small bench waiting for him and why the hell she hadn't done so inside.

"Let's get you inside." He gently grabbed her by her left arm and led her inside.

"Why didn't you wait inside?"

"He wouldn't let me, because he said you wouldn't want to see anyone." Blair pointed to the receptionist who was curiously eyeing her and Chuck.

"And after I insisted to see you, I was thrown out by this gorilla" she motioned her head towards the doorman who had removed her forcefully out of the building earlier.

Chuck's features darkened by her words and as they passed the – now all of a sudden very busy – receptionist, Chuck - full of anger that they had thrown Blair out, leaving her to wait outside in the rain and the cold of the night – forced out a low "make sure he is fired" nodding towards the doorman.

"Mister Bass, you told me you didn't want to see anyone and I can't just fire him, he only did…"

"Fire him!"

"But Mister Bass…"

"If you don't do as I insist, I will make sure that this f…ing hotel will be closed and that the only job you'll ever find again is located somewhere in Alaska. Remember who I am. I'm Chuck Bass." With those words he and Blair entered the elevator leaving the doorman no choice than doing what he had been told to.

***********

Blair was relieved. She had waited for what seemed like hours for Chuck to appear and when he finally did, she was so glad that he seemed halfway okay.

Of course she had noticed that he had lost weight and the dark shadows under his almost black eyes couldn't be overseen.

But despite his and her fragile condition, Blair felt happy. Here she was finally united with the boy she was so in love with, she would do anything for him. For a moment she was scared by those thoughts and the things she would do for him, but this fear quickly vanished and she enjoyed the feeling of the light touch of his hand on her left upper arm.

Since their encounter with the receptionist, he hadn't uttered a single word, but Blair was confident now that he wouldn't send her away and that somehow everything would be okay.

The elevator came to a halt and Chuck guided her to room 555.

When they entered the room, Blair felt the cold for the first time and she shivered even more.

"Come on let's get you into the shower and warm again, you must be freezing." With that, Chuck opened a door which obviously belonged to the bathroom.

And although it was one of the filthiest bathrooms, Blair had seen in her entire life, she didn't care. She didn't care, because Chuck seemed to care about her and that was far more important than a luxury bathroom.

Chuck didn't think about his actions and started to slowly undress Blair and for once in his life undressing a woman wasn't sexually motivated. He just wanted to make sure she was okay, warm and comfortable.

"Do you want me to go outside?" Chuck was eager to give her some privacy, if that was what she wanted.

Blair watched him, her chocolate brown eyes piercing his face and she slowly shook her head.

"Stay." Again not louder than a whisper, but it was all Chuck needed to hear. He undressed himself and they stepped in the shower together both eager to concentrate on each others faces.

Chuck made sure that the water had a comfortable temperature and stepped out of the shower to search for a shower gel and a shampoo in Blair's bag.

When he had found what he was looking for, he returned to the shower and started slowly to rinse Blair's hair with her strawberry vanilla scented shampoo. The scent that was so much her caused his head to spin and he felt a slowly rising erection in his groin.

But he was successful in focusing on his task in making Blair feel at ease and managed to control his physical reaction caused by her.

After he was done showering her, he led her outside of the shower and wrapped her in a fluffy white towel and then in a bathrobe.

Neither of them said a word during their time in the shower. It simply wasn't necessary.

With Nate it had been different. Blair had always had to put her thoughts, wishes and needs in words, because Nate had been always unaware of the things she wanted or of her thoughts.

With Chuck it was completely different, not to say the opposite. He always seemed to know, what she wanted and what she needed without exchanging a single word. He was able to read her and her moods within a second.

He had instantly known that all Blair needed right now was being taken care of.

Blair couldn't remember when she had felt so lightheaded and protected. Chuck Bass had undressed her, not to get it on with her, but to make her feel comfortable and he had even rinsed her hair. She was fairly sure that that was something he hadn't done before with a girl.

When she left the bathroom, Chuck close behind her, she suddenly spun around to face him causing him to bump into her.

Their eyes met and in that moment neither was able to hold back and resist each other any longer.

Blair couldn't tell later if she had made the first move or if Chuck had pulled her closer to him desperate to finally be with her again, but that didn't matter.

All that mattered where his lips on hers as he kissed her fervently, his hands softly but yet full of passion travelling up and down her body.

**tbc…**


	5. Chapter 5

**This isn't a new chapter. I just had to rewrite something at the end for logical purposes (Blair's bag). Thanks to all who already reviewed and thanks to those who put my story on their story alert list or their favourite list. This really makes me happy- happy dance ;-). You could make me even happier with a little review lol. But I take, what I get, so no pressure.**

**xoxo, Mia**

**Hey,**** thanks again for your reviews. They just make me happy. I'm not so sure about this chapter. It's slightly M-rated. I hope you'll enjoy. Please tell me what you think. **

**xoxo, Mia**

Serena had reached her limit. She was worried sick about Blair as her best friend had obviously fled the hospital and was nowhere to be found.

Serena had stopped counting how many times she had checked Gossip Girl hoping to find out some piece of information of Blair's whereabouts. But nothing. It seemed her best friend had somehow dropped of the earth and Serena was running out of options.

She had called – well, tried to call Blair's mother several times but it looked like Eleanor and Cyrus had vanished from earth as well.

Serena had also tried to get a hold on Harold but that had been a failure as well. She then had vaguely remembered that Harold and Roman were somewhere off in South America. Blair had shown a postcard some days ago, days were life had still been simple and were their only worries had been which dress to wear on the Snowflake Ball and more important which guy would be allowed to take them there.

In the end Chuck had picked up a date for Blair and vice versa, but of course the evening had resulted in Chuck and Blair dancing together and Serena had sensed that this evening might have been a turning-point in Chuck and Blair's twisted relationship.

The way they had looked at each other while dancing had told Serena that their relationship and finally going somewhere.

But then… then hell had broken loose. Bart's death had sent Chuck over the edge.

His relationship with Bart had never been easy but in the last few weeks the two Bass' men had seemed more at ease in each others company.

And now Bart was dead and Chuck had backed away in the darkness once again, abandoning his family (and for the van Woodsens' Chuck was definitely part of their family) and friends, spending his days with alcohol and drugs. And then all of a sudden, he had been gone which apparently had sent Blair over the edge.

Her resurfaced bulimia was proof for that.

And now Blair was gone too, doing god knew what.

Serena's worst case scenario which she repeated over and over again in her head included Blair buying some bakerys empty and then, Blair emptying the contents of her stomach in a toilet bowl and afterwards, Blair collapsing, her skin pale and cold and …

"Stop it Serena", she was pissed with herself. Instead of mopping around, she should better continue the search for her best friend.

But she needed help and that was her biggest problem.

Dorota was no help. Since Blair has disappeared Dorota had been freaking out, wining indefinable sentences in polish and Serena had lost track, how many times she had found the maid cleaning the Waldorf silver.

Other options for help included Eric and her mother but her brother as well as Lily were too shocked about the latest tragic event and about Chuck's behaviour at the funeral that Serena didn't want them to be even more worried than they already were.

Nate was as helpless as she was and his recent efforts in finding Blair had been as useless as her's.

The last person she could think off was Dan but deep down Serena knew, Blair would hate her and never forgive her if Serena spilled the circumstances of her disappearance.

If Serena was honest with herself, there were only two people in the world who could help her.

Chuck and Blair.

Blair always seemed to know in a time of crisis and Chuck, well Chuck had a P.I. on speed dial.

And maybe for the first time ever, Serena realized the dynamic of their friendship. She and Nate were the carefree ones, the light of the NJBC, while Chuck and Blair were the composed and the rational part of their circle. The dark part. But the light couldn't exist without the dark, because without the dark there was no need for the light and vice versa. Both of them could only exist because of the other.

This thought hit Serena like a rock. The four of them depended on each other. She depended on Blair, who always took care of her, when she was once more too wild or too carefree. It was Blair who made sure to cover Serena's mistakes. On the other hand Serena made sure, that her best friend lived a little. Blair was always too composed and too hard and strict with herself, but being around Serena she sometimes allowed herself to have a little bit of fun.

Chuck and Nate were just the same. Chuck always gave Nate a place to stay when he had trouble with his parents and always made sure that no one would harm Nate Archibald in any way. And Nate made sure that Chuck didn't loose himself completely in the darkness.

The four of them not only depended on each other, they needed each other. Being the children of UES parents meant abandonment and loneliness and all four of them were no exception.

Serena was so caught up in her thoughts that she nearly didn't hear her cell phone ring. For a vain moment she hoped it would be Blair, but looking on the screen crushed that little hope.

"Nate, do you have any news?" She hated how desperate her voice sounded, but she had reached a point where she just didn't care any longer.

"I'm at the airport. I'm going to fly to Bangkok and I'm going to bring Chuck back to New York and if it's the last thing, I'll ever do. And then he'll help us find Blair. Everything is going to be fine. I promise. I'll call as soon as I get a hold on him" with that he hung up.

Serena just hoped his words would come true and checked her phone for news on Gossip Girl for the millionth time this day.

**********

It seemed the world had come to a halt. And they were the only people left existing. Here and now there were not Chuck Bass, the boy who just had lost his father and Blair Waldorf, the girl who suffered from bulimia, right here and right now there were just Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck.

Chuck had been with girls and women before. Lots of them. And they had been by far more experienced than Blair had been the first time they had made love. The first time they had been together, Blair had been an inexperienced virgin, but all of the others were no comparison to her.

He never had had sex with the same woman twice and he never had felt the need to. But with Blair it was different. Since the first time they had been together, he was addicted to her. The memory of that night was stored safely in his head.

And also he had promised to leave her alone, he couldn't hold himself back any longer. She was intoxicating.

He continued to kiss her passionately. While he was taking down her bathrobe he graced her bare shoulders, his eyes never leaving hers.

With a swift motion, he lifted her up and carried her to the bed in the middle of the shabby hotel room.

In her effort to pull him even closer, Blair wrapped her legs around his waist causing him to struggle a bit. But somehow he managed to reach his destination without loosing his balance as he lowered her down the bed, hovering above her.

He paused for a minute, his eyes darkening with desire for her. He was mesmerized by her.

"God, you're beautiful" his voice was raspy.

In a desperate need to touch him, Blair reached out her hand to run her fingers through his hair.

Chuck began to kiss her more hungrily than before while his hands caressed her gently.

His lips moved down and he started to nibble on her collarbone causing Blair to moan his name.

Her breath hitched in her throat as he suddenly entered her, his eyes holding her gaze the entire time.

Blair met each of his thrusts while she continued to stroke his hair.

As they came together, Blair couldn't help herself. She needed him to understand what he meant to her.

"I love you Chuck" she intently looked at him. Chuck grazed her face gently with his thumps, pressing his lips softly against her mouth placing a light kiss on her mouth.

**********

Blair was sleeping peacefully in his arms, her head resting in the crock of his neck. Her chest was rising in a steady rhythm. While stroking her auburn hair softly, he kissed the sensitive spot at the hollow of her neck. Blair stirred a little but didn't wake up.

He watched her, feeling more peaceful, relaxed and at ease than he had in a long time. His heart beat frantically and inside he knew that she was it. She was the one for him. But he couldn't tell her he loved her. Also he knew he did he wasn't ready to say those three little words. The only time he had said them aloud, had been to a photograph of his mother and that was a long time ago.

He was yet too scared to tell her, but he would show her, because, while they had been making love, Chuck had realized something. He had realized he just couldn't stay away from her no matter how hard he tried. His heart ached for her.

Blair slowly opened her eyes.

"Hey" Chuck placed a soft kiss against her forehead. "Hey" she responded, entwining their hands together.

Her stomach growled. "Sorry" she turned bright red. Chuck squeezed her hand gently. "There is nothing to be sorry for" he chuckled softly "I already ordered something to eat. I figured, you must be starving since the food on the plane just isn't that much."

"True" she didn't intend to tell him about her intermezzo in the plane's restroom. That was in the past now. He was with her and that was all that mattered.

"I'll be right back" Chuck placed a butterfly kiss on her lips once again as he left the bed and made his way over to the bathroom.

Blair was too happy for words who could describe her happiness. She didn't know if it was night or day, she had lost track of the time. She briefly closed her eyes, as it suddenly knocked at the door.

Expecting the ordered food, she threw the bathrobe – that had been abandoned on the floor – over and reached for the door. As she turned the doorknob, she froze in her tracks.

Right in front of her were standing two young Asian girls who were definitely prostitutes.

"We're here for Mister Bass. That the right room, no?"

Whores, he had screwed whores while being in Bangkok!

Blair suddenly felt the urge to throw up. With a quick motion she grabbed her bag which was lying on the floor next to the door, she then ran past the two girls and disappeared in the still waiting elevators.

**tbc…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, this chapter was a bit longer than usual. Hope you enjoy. Thanks again to those who reviewed and to those who have put me on their story alert/favourite lists.**

**It's good to know, that there are some people out there reading this story. It really makes me happy.**

**Enjoy reading and tell me what you think.**

**xoxo, Mia**

A bright sunny winter day in New York was coming to an end. It had been snowing the night before and since it was a holiday Saturday a lot of people had been to Central Park taking walks, taking their dogs out, ice – skating. Singles, families, couples, they were all happy and enjoying themselves.

Blair hadn't taken notice of any of this, the activities around her had been too surreal for her to comprehend.

Happy people everywhere. Happiness just didn't exist in Blair Waldorf's world. Not anymore. She had landed this morning and normally she would have been thrilled with an in snow covered New York, but while the taxi had moved trough the traffic an the crowded streets of New York, Blaire had just starred out of the window without noticing anything.

Now she was lying in her bed, the blanket tightly wrapped around her until up to her chin, the curtains closed.

Blair just lay there starring at the wall opposite her bed a blank expression on her face. Although she was jetlagged and exhausted, sleep just wouldn't find her.

The apartment was completely silent. Her mother and Cyrus were still gone enjoying their honeymoon and Dorota was currently visiting her sister who had moved from Poland to Conneticut two years ago.

It had taken Blair quite some time and a huge amount of energy that she didn't really have to convince her maid – who nearly had had a hysterical attack when Blair had shown up at the Waldorf apartment – to leave Blair alone.

Dorota had only given up her quest to stay with her, when Blair had convinced her, that her breakdown had just been the cause of a low blood pressure and she would spend the rest of the Christmas holidays with Serena and the Van der Woodsens.

To make the lie even more perfect, she had even allowed Dorota to pack a bag for her which was now residing on the left side of her bed.

After Dorota had finally left, the memories of the events in Bangkok had nearly washed over her causing Blair to control them the only way she knew how.

She had made her way down to the Kitchen and had eaten all of the things she had been able to get a hold of – this had included a whole apple pie which had seemed to be waiting in the fridge only for her.

When she had been done, she had gone to her bathroom focusing on her mission: gaining back control – not only over her body but also over her mind.

She had retched and retched and retched until there was nothing left, until she had been exhausted, until her mind had been as empty as her stomach.

But now the memories came back and there was no food left and she was too dizzy to get up anyway. There was nothing left to concentrate on, nothing to distract her.

How she had even made it home to New York was beyond her. But now she could vaguely remember she had run out on the streets – after a long elevator ride – tears floating down her cheeks, clutching her bag tightly to her chest like her life depended on it. And maybe it had. The tight grip had prevented her from falling apart because it had felt real in her hands where else the rest was strangely surreal to her.

She remembered the screech of car breaks and an older couple who had taken care of her and of everything else.

Blair wasn't really sure what she had told them to explain why she had been running around, half naked and crying but whatever it had been it had obviously worked.

The next thing Blair could remember, was that she had been on a plane some hours later, wearing a pair of warm trousers, a cotton pullover and a pair of grey boots, oh yes and a winter jacket with an indefinable colour.

Normally she would have been disgusted with those clothes and would definitely have cause a scene, but she hadn't even cared.

If she was honest with herself nothing mattered anymore.

On the flight back she had had a window seat and a boy of perhaps ten years old had been sitting next to her.

He had tried to start a conversation with her, but she had starred at him without saying a word causing him to mumble "freak" under his breath and changing seats with his mother who just had tried to ignore the crazy young woman.

After that very tiny little scene, Blair had closed her eyes pretending to be asleep and had just open them when they had landed at Newark airport. Everyone had clapped and cheered and Blair had felt isolated and more alone than ever.

Wherever she was she just didn't seem to fit. She just didn't know how.

For Serena it was easy. Everyone adored her. She was so very natural. An open person who could easily charm a whole room with just one word and a bright smile

Blair instead …

Blair wasn't this carefree and she didn't trust easily.

Of course the crème de la crème of the UES had marked Serena with a label "too wild" whereas Blair was treat with respect. Contraire to Serena, nobody whispered openly behind her back – behind close doors well that was a complete different story.

But no matter how scandalous Serena's behaviour was sometimes people adored her anyway. Serena had no trouble to get attention. Wherever she and Blair were together, Serena was always the one being focused on by the masses.

Even Blair's mother was fascinated by Serena van der Woodsen – and Eleanor Waldorf wasn't impressed easily, that was for sure – and had picked her over Blair several times for her fashion shows.

Or Nate. He had always longed for Serena while being with Blair. Blair had tried not to focus on it. She wasn't stupid – of course she had recognized the glances that her boyfriend had directed towards Serena.

But being a good girlfriend and trying to hold up the perfect façade of her perfect life and relationship she had tried to ignore the attraction that Nate obviously had felt for Serena.

But no matter what, Blair couldn't hate Serena. She actually loved her best friend dearly. They weren't just best friends. They were sisters. As an only child and two often abandoned children, Blair, Serena and Eric had grown very close over the years, always holding each others back.

Serena and Eric were family to Blair.

She remembered a day in first grade. There had been a boy who had called Blair a weirdo because she had been wearing a headband.

Without saying a word or another sign of warning, Serena had punched the boy who was much taller than her at that time on the nose.

"This is my best friend Blair Waldorf and I'm Serena van der Woodsen and if you ever insult her again, you'll regret it. And by the way, you're a weirdo yourself – I mean long hair in a ponytail, seriously?

Come on, B, I'll buy us the biggest ice cream cup out there. Oh, and you're headband looks stunning, don't let him bother you. You have seen him."

With those words, she had grabbed Blair's hand and they had spent a great afternoon in Central Park enjoying their ice creams.´

Yes, Blair loved Serena.

And then, there was Chuck. Finally she was thinking of him, all of the emotions she had hold back, rushing over her now.

He had ever been there for her in his own twisted way, while she had been Nate's girlfriend, helping her plot, watching out for her, when Nate wasn't around, protecting her.

After their night in Bangkok she had been convinced, that he felt the same way about her that she felt about him, that he actually loved her too. The way he had looked her, the longing evident in his eyes, the way he had touched her, had graced her, like she was fragile like porcelain…

Of course she had expected him to drink and to do drugs. He had lost his father for heaven's sake and had dealt with it, the only way Chuck Bass knew how. In this way there were a like, he dealt with pain drinking and doing drugs, she with retching.

But never ever she had expected him to screw around. Not after she had told him that she loved him, not after the night he had turned towards her, crying in her arms.

The two girls had been evidently prostitutes, with their too short skirts and tops and their too much covered in make-up faces.

And she, she had been just another fuck to him, nothing more. But his tenderness, the way he had been taking care of her in the shower…

Stop it Blair! He doesn't love you and never will. You mean nothing to him, get over it, get over it, get over it.

She repeated this over and over in her head, but the tears had started to run down her face and the pain just didn't ease, instead it was growing and growing until Blair couldn't breathe anymore. She grabbed her phone desperately and called her favourite restaurant Butter to deliver her some food to the Waldorf apartment.

She needed to breath, she needed control, she needed…

************

Chuck was miserable. Chuck was drunk. He couldn't count the bottles of scotch, he had consumed, since her disappearance.

After she had come to see him in Bangkok, he had started to feel better. And when they had made love, he had regained hope, that maybe, maybe life wasn't as bad and worthless as he had thought it was.

He was far from being okay and he still had no idea how to cope with the fact that he was an orphan now, but the feeling of loneliness had eased.

While he had been in the bathroom, he had once again looked in the mirror and for the first time since his father's death, he had seen himself again. His eyes had been not those of a haunted animal anymore. They had been human reflecting hope.

Of course he still had been too pale, too thin, and the dark shadows under his eyes had still been visible, but their had been a sparkle in his eyes. It had been caused by her and Chuck had been ready to return to New York with her and to finally be with her – given she would let him of course. He still was unable to say those words to her, but he would show her.

But once again, fate had hit him with full force. This time in form of two Asian girls he barely remembered.

He had run after her, but he had been too late, as always he had been too late. He had been worried that something would happen to her. It had been late in the evening and his hotel "The Crown" wasn't situated in one of the best areas of Bangkok. It had been useless, he had made several phone calls, but nothing.

Lots of hours later, or an eternity later, he had received a phone call from his P.I. that Blair had been spotted leaving Newark airport and Chuck had been relieved, that she hadn't been harmed or physically hurt by anyone. Emotionally was probably another story.

Five seconds later he had comprehended, what her being back in New York meant.

Blair was gone and he once more had screwed up and there was no way, she would give him another chance – he had had too many. This was it, it was over.

So he had started drinking and drinking and drinking.

A faint knock on the door had finally shacked him back to reality.

For a second he had the vain hope it would be her. His Blair. But that wasn't possible.

"What" he slurred and opened the door with much less force he had intended to, but his current state didn't allow more power. He could barely stand on his feet as it was right now.

It was Nate.

"What do you want Nathaniel" he stumbled.

The next thing he remembered was that the cold shower hit him full force causing him to curse.

"Nathaniel are you crazy? Seriously have you lost your mind?"

"Drink this" Nate handed him a cup with what smelled like a very strong coffee..

"I need you to sober up. Serena and I, we need your help. It's about Blair. She seems to suffer from bulimia and she had fled the hospital she had been in, because of a relapse. We need to fin her, but we don't know how."

"Chuck?"

**tbc…**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, thanks a lot for the kind reviews. This chapter shows Chuck's reaction to Blair's condition. I hope you're not disappointed by it. If you have any suggestions, feel free to tell me, because Chuck will deal with this knowledge for a while now.**

**Enjoy,**

**xoxo, Mia**

„Chuck? Hey man, you're all right?"

The cup of coffee hit the floor with a bang.

Nate eyed his best friend closely, a worried frown appearing on his face. Chuck – if that was possible had turned even paler than before. Nate became extremely terrified of him.

Of course he had experienced drunken Chuck, hang-overed Chuck, passed out Chuck, but in all of the years of their friendship, he had never seen Chuck being so miserable and depressed.

When Chuck had opened the door, Nate had had to suppress the urge to gasp.

He had expected to see Chuck all messed up but what he had witnessed had topped his worst nightmare.

The room smelled so bad, that Nate nearly had thrown up. There were empty pill and scotch bottles all over the room, but what had shocked Nate the most, was his best friends appearance.

Chuck looked crushed. His hair now dripping wet from the shower had been a mess.

Nate had never seen Chuck like this than before. Even in his darkest hours Chuck was all tied up and composed.

Now he didn't seem to care anymore. In Nate's opinion Chuck could easily be held as a homeless guy as it was.

He only wore a pair of boxers and a shirt that might have been white in a former life. Now that it was soaking wet from the shower, Nate could tell that Chuck had lost quite a huge amount of weight given for such a short time. Nate was able to see and count Chuck's rips through his shirt.

Chuck's eyes had sunken deep down in his face a shadow clouding them, absorbing every kind of spark.

His face skin had an unhealthy greyish colour and for Nate it was obvious that the only nutrition Chuck had chosen for himself consisted in alcohol and what seemed to be pain killers.

No wonder Chuck was out of it, given the facts that his father had just died and he had to be highly intoxicated.

But now Chuck didn't seem to be only out of it, he nearly appeared to be catatonic. His gaze was unfocused and it looked like he wasn't anymore aware of his best friend's presence as he was starring right through him.

"Chuck?" Nate tried again, but still no answer. This was the moment Nate really started to get scared.

***********

"_Blair, bulimia, fled, hospital, relapse."_

Chuck felt like he had been punched in the stomach, all air being sucked out of his lungs.

He felt his stomach clenching, nearly causing him to retch.

The words "Blair, bulimia and relapse" just shouldn't be named in the same sentence.

This was more than wrong.

OF course he had been aware that she seemed to struggle with some kind of eating disorder at the age of fourteen but after that she seemed to be fine.

Obviously her parents or more likely her mother – since her father had been busy screwing around with his male model somewhere in Europe, France, yes, it had been France – had taken care of that "little problem".

Chuck doubted that her surroundings which include her so called friends and her boy friend at that time, had even noticed that Blair had been struggling.

He was sure that only Serena had known about it – except from her parents of course – and that Nate hadn't had a clue.

But Chuck had sensed something had been wrong with her. Whenever Blair had thought that nobody was watching, she had stuffed food into her mouth, quickly swallowing it and then shortly after she had excused herself and had gone to the bathroom.

Until now Chuck couldn't understand that nobody had recognized her (former) condition.

He had watched her and he had immediately been able to tell that something was up with her.

Since he hadn't known how to deal with his knowledge and her and since he hadn't dared to overstep any boundaries in their friendship or companionship or whatever they had had or had shared during the time she had been Nate's girl friend, he had hinted to Serena one day that Blair seemed to be sick.

It had been this day Serena had found out and Blair's secret had been revealed to her parents.

It was never mentioned again but it had him who had made sure that someone would acknowledge and take care of it.

Of course, back than he hadn't actually known that bulimia was a life threatening disease.

He had thought of it as a "fashion illness" that was reserved for models and movie stars.

But one year later he had learned that it was indeed not only a "fashion disease" but something a person could die of.

Bart had had a girlfriend at this time who was half his age (as most of the women he had been dating over the years after his beloved wife had passed away under the well known dramatic circumstances) and who was modelling for Versace and Prada.

Her name had been Cynthia and Bart had been crazy about her – Chuck also had been sexually aroused by her and one day Bart had been running late from office, she had given him one of the best blow jobs he had ever experienced so far, but that was a whole different story.

Fact was that every time she had had dinner with the Basses she had excused herself afterwards and had disappeared into the bathroom of their penthouse.

Three weeks later, after their last dinner together, had returned earlier than usual from his office at Bass' Industries, his face wearing a stony expression.

Chuck hadn't dared to ask his father what was wrong with him, but he had heard their maids talking about Cynthia who had died from a heart attack caused by her bulimia at the age of 22.

The memory of this incident was the reason that realization now hit him with full force.

It was back: Blair's bulimia was back.

She had had a relapse and had even been to the hospital – which meant it already had gotten out of control.

Once again Chuck felt a huge wave of nausea hitting him like a rock and quickly washing over him.

He could envision her, her body still and cold, her face pale, dead because of the consequences of her bulimia, dead like Bart, his father whom he had had to identify in the morgue after his car accident.

Lily had protested that he shouldn't do this but stubborn as he was, he had insisted to it. And now the images of his dead father were haunting him at night.

Chuck's breath hitched in his throat and he felt how the whole oxygen left his lungs once again:

She could die, Blair could day.

Something gad triggered this, had triggered the bulimia to come back, had triggered her to hurt herself again and with another hit of realization, Chuck realized that he had caused this.

In his darkest hour, the day of Bart's funeral, Blair had told him how she felt about him, really felt about him. That she loved him, no matter what matter and he had ran away. But she still hadn't given up on him. Although she was in a fragile condition, she had decided to come looking for him.

She had made the way all over to Bangkok, to finally be with him, to show him that she had meant what she had said and what had he done? He had shoved two Asian prostitutes in her face, shattering her once more.

He needed to get back, he needed to save her, he needed her and he was more than afraid now, that she would hurt herself even more after this incident with the two whores.

"When is your flight back home?" Nate nearly jumped, shocked that his best friend was finally back to reality and addressing him.

"I haven't book a flight back, yet as I didn't know how long it would take to convince you to come back with me."

"Call the airport and check when the first flight goes back to New York, no matter how much it costs or which class or airline it is, book it. We need to get back. Blair is back in New York, she was here and I screwed up. Call Serena first, she needs to check on Blair. My P.I. texted me, Blair's back in her penthouse apartment. Hurry, I get dressed."

Nate was overwhelmed. Blair had been in Bangkok. He couldn't believe it.

"Nathaniel!" Chuck interrupted Nate's thoughts with a growl and looking in his best fiend's face, he made sure to not waste another minute as he dialled Serena's number.

***********

Blair was woken by the constant ringing of her cell phone. She sat up to check the caller's ID and nearly fainted. She felt dizzy and her heart beaded rapidly and frantically in an unsteady rhythm.

She managed to grab her cell phone and saw Cyrus number on the screen. She had to answer that. If she wouldn't, her mother would probably call Serena and that had to be prevented at all costs.

"Hi mom."

**tbc… **

**I might not be able to update next week, because of work, but I will as soon as possible with a hopefully longer chapter. The next chapter, Chuck and Blair will see each other once again,so stay tuned ;-).**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, I know it's been a while, but I've been busy. So here is the next chapter, with less Blair and Chuck interaction than I announced. But be sure, that the next one will have plenty in it.**

**I want to thank everyone who reads this story and even more those who actually review. You guys are amazing. Special thanks goes to ohh its love – you're reviews are truly an inspiration for me.**

**Enjoy.**

Although the phone call with her mother had taken more than an hour, Blair felt relieved.

Her mother didn't have a clue about her breakdown or about her little journey to Bangkok.

It had turned out, that Eleanor and Cyrus had spent quite a while on a yacht and in a moment of inattention, Eleanor's phone had vanished in the depth of the Pacific Ocean.

As a result, none of the messages, Serena for sure had left on Eleanor's mobile box would ever reach her mother's ears.

Blair's mother had even joked about what she called the "whole phone incident" and had only giggled like a school girl when Blair had asked about the circumstances under which the cell phone had disappeared into the ocean.

It was definitely Cyrus influence that Eleanor hadn't freaked out over the loss. Before her marriage with Cyrus Blair's mother had been a control freak, a perfectionist, who simply couldn't live without the knowledge of always being present within call reach and to whose high expectations Blair had never been able to live up to.

Eleanor just needed to know what was going on especially in her fashion company and in the past she had effortlessly managed to be in charge of everything. How her mother had managed marriage, work and a bunch of social events and despite these activities always looked perfect and put together, was beyond Blair.

Blair herself had tried to be as ideal and well organized as her mother but it never was enough. She would always find something that just wasn't as perfect as she needed it to be and therefore it was hard for Blair to live in the shadow of the omnipresent and great Eleanor Waldorf who wasn't only a fashion designer but an institution in the fashion world and on the UES in general.

But since Eleanor had met Cyrus, Blair's mother was more relaxed than Blair had ever seen her before. Eleanor Waldorf was a new person who maybe for the first time in her life had experienced a carefree holiday vacation.

Blair had never been more grateful than in that precise moment that fate had brought Cyrus into her mother's life and that these two had propelled towards each other in no time.

This sparred Blair the uncomfortable and rather unpleasant task to explain her relapse and her current hospital stay to her mother.

Now Blair was confronted with only one more problem: Serena. Her best friend wouldn't let this go and she eventually would tell Eleanor about. Oh yeah, Blair definitely needed to face that problem.

Blair knew, she had to give her best friend something, something that somehow would foul Serena into believing that she was perfectly alright.

Although Blair felt still weak and dizzy after her yesterday night's binge, she started slowly to get up, little black and white spots dancing in front of her eyes, momentarily clouding her vision. Inhaling deeply and trying to calm down her frantically beating heart, she carefully swung her feet out of her bed, her nears nearly buckling as she reached solid ground. But She was able to steady herself and after opening the window to erase the suspicious smell of her late night activities, she started to clean her room in order to make sure that no one would suspect a crack in the fake perfection that was Blair Waldorf and Blair Waldorf's life.

************

Blair has just finished her cleaning activities, when the sound of the opening elevator doors downstairs startled her. With one look at her now once again tidy and fresh smelling room, she closed her bedroom door and descended downstairs.

She had barely reached the bottom floor, when she was lifted of her feet, blond and golden hair now clouding her vision.

"Oh god, B, you're alright, I was so worried about you, never do something like that again or I might kill you with my bare hands, how do you feel…", the words were floating out of her mouth like a waterfall, but by the life of her, Serena couldn't help it. She was too relieved that Blair was back and although she was pale, she seemed more put together, than Serena had expected her to be.

Nate had called her earlier this morning, telling her that Blair had been to Bangkok, but that Chuck had screwed up, causing Blair to disappear and reappear back in New York and that he and Chuck now would return as well. Nate couldn't tell Serena what had exactly happened between his best friend and the petite brunette, but given the fact that Blair had returned alone to New York, was all Serena needed to know. It had had to be bad, because if it wasn't Blair would never have left Chuck all by himself in Bangkok.

Her best friend was nothing but stubborn and determined. If it had been – and Serena was sure that had been Blair's intention – her task to bring Chuck back to New York, then her stepbrother would be back with Blair by now.

The lack of Chuck's presence and the fact that he now returned with Nate and that he hadn't done so with Blair, had caused Serena's worries to increase even more. This wasn't good. Chuck had screwed up- which wasn't really unusual, but Blair was already so fragile, that Serena feared for her best friend.

Without a second thought or any hint of hesitation, Serena had made her way over to Blair's penthouse, once again afraid of what she might find there.

When Blair had descended the stairs, Serena just couldn't control herself any longer. Although she was more than angry that Blair had disappeared without a word, she was also thankful that her best friend seemed to be ok. She hugged Blair tightly, lifting the light weight off of her feet.

"S, stop, I can't breathe."

"Sorry, B", Serena took a step back looking at Blair.

Her best friend was wearing a black pencil skirt, with a white blouse. If Serena hadn't known better, she would have been reassured, that everything was normal and that Blair was perfectly fine.

However Serena knew better and because of that she didn't hesitate to approach the topic of the current situation.

"B, you're sick and you can't just flee the hospital and fly to Bangkok without telling a word to anyone. Your condition is too serious to just…".

"S, I've got this covered, ok. I already phoned the hospital and I already scheduled an appointment with my therapist on Monday. We both agreed that this…well, relapse was a one time thing and that one appointment should be enough. By the way, how did you know, I was in Bangkok?"

"Nate called me, he is currently in Bangkok with Chuck and Chuck mentioned…"

"Whatever he said, I'm over it and him", Blair interrupted her best friend quickly. She didn't want to repeat or relive the events in Bangkok. Not even to her best friend. If she had to, she was sure, she would have to make another order at Butter, "sure I was a little bit taken aback due to the fact that he screwed whores there and I admit it was slightly humiliating, but then I was thinking and I came to the conclusion, that he is Chuck Bass, greatest womanizer of the UES, and that he won't change and then I told myself to get over it and now I'm done with him."

Even in her own ears those words sounded like a lie, but Serena had to be convinced that she was fine- at all costs. There was no way, her friend could find out, that she hadn't scheduled an appointment. That was why she really had made one with her therapist, telling him that this was about her relationship with her father. She would need to make up some non existing problems with Harold, but this was far better than telling him about her resurfaced bul…, she didn't finish that thought.

"B, are you sure, that…"

"Yes, S, I'm fine and all good now. Let's go shopping. I need new shoes for my Valentino dress, which

by the way I totally intend to wear to Penelope's New Years party tonight. A party at the Hamptons is a great occasion to wear it. Have you heard, Penelope's brother is back from Yale for the holidays and he will celebrate with us, well him and some of his college friends. Great isn't it, I mean who needs the entire Humphreys' and Basses' of the world, if there are some well educated boys from college. I'll just go upstairs and grab my pursue and then we'll go, ok?"

"Yes, ok, B, let's go shopping", Serena wasn't convinced at all that Blair was fine, but at least she seemed a little bit better. She would have an eye on her best friend all the time and she would also make sure that Blair would have a great time at the party.

After Blair had disappeared upstairs to get her pursue, Serena made a quick phone call and was relieved as Blair's therapist confirmed her appointment on Monday. She then hit the speed dial button and tried to call Nate. When he wasn't answering and his cell phone went back to voice mail, she told him in a few words that Blair seemed halfway to be ok and that they would attend Penelope's New Years party that night.

***********

It had been raining, when they had arrived at the airport. The sky had been dark, a pitch black. But compared to Chuck's mood, the weather had really been delightful.

The whole ride to the airport, Chuck hadn't uttered a single word. Nate could tell that his best friend was brooding.

One time during their taxi drive he had tried to talk to the dark haired boy. "Look, Chuck, this is Blair we're talking about. Whatever she is going through right now, I'm sure, she'll come around and…" Nate hadn't been able to finish his sentence. The look Chuck had given him, had simply silenced him and it had been this moment that Nate had been thankful he was Chuck Bass' friend. Chuck's eyes had bored into his, sending shivers down his spine and he hadn't been able to hold his best friend's gaze any longer. He had looked out of the window then and after quite a while had dared to cast a glance in Chuck's direction again.

His best friend had stirred out of the window as well, but Nate had been fairly sure that Chuck didn't notice a single thing out there. His whole body had been tense, but yet his shoulders had been hanging down in defeat.

Nate had ached for his best friend. Although he had family problems himself, he at least had two parents who loved him. Chuck had no one left – well that wasn't true, but Nate was certain, that this was, what his best friend was feeling. And now he had screwed things with Blair as well.

Blair. She was the first girl, Chuck had ever admitted to love. And Nate didn't doubt one moment that this was the truth. Although he often hadn't a single clue what was going on, Nate had sensed the connection between his best friend and his ex-girlfriend. In some weird way, he by far didn't understand, they depended on each other.

He had seen Chuck looking at Blair and there had been a longing in his eyes, Nate had never observed in his best friend's eyes before. The looks Chuck was giving Blair, when he thought nobody was noticing were full of wonder and amazement.

All the planes to New York had been over boarded, but Chuck had found an elderly couple and had offered them ten thousand dollar for their tickets – an offer they hadn't been able to refuse.

When the flight attendant had asked them, what they wanted to drink, Chuck had curtly ordered "Scotch".

"Sir, given the fact that you are probably under twenty-one, I'm not allowed to give you any sort of alcohol."

"I'm Chuck Bass and if you knew what's good for you, you would better give me a scotch", Chuck's voice had barely been louder than a whisper, but the evident threat in his voice and the look he had given her, had been enough. He had gulped the golden liquid in a second and had ordered a second and a third one.

Nate had only glanced apologetically at the flight attendant and had ordered a coke and a tomato juice himself.

When they had landed, Nate had received Serena's text message.

"Hey Chuck, man, Serena had texted me. Blair seems to be ok for now and they are going to attend Penelope's New Years party".

"I need to see her right now, I need to explain, Penelope's New Years party is too late, I need to…"

"Chuck, give her some time. You're tired and exhausted right now. Come home with me and we both sleep a while and tonight we'll go to Penelope's party and I'm sure you can fix this."

"Maybe you're right, ok let's go." Nate was right, Chuck was more than tired and exhausted.

**********

Chuck hadn't been able to sleep, his thoughts had been with Blair – like the whole way home from Bangkok to New York. He was so scared that she could die, it nearly took his breath away. He couldn't loose her, he just couldn't bear it. He would do whatever was necessary to save her, even if she would hate him – which she probably already did.

**********

The party was fully going on, when Chuck and Nate finally arrived.

Chuck's gaze immediately wandered around in search of Blair. He almost spotted her the next second. She was standing next to the dance floor with Serena looking absolutely stunning in a dark blue or maybe dark black cocktail dress. Her hair was tied in an elegant knot, two curls framing her face.

The moment he had spotted her, she turned around and their eyes connected.

**tbc…**


	9. Chapter 9

**So here is the new chapter. Hope you enjoy. Please R§R.**

**xoxo, Mia**

Their shopping trip had been relatively successful – well at least regarding the economic side.

Blair had found a pair of magnificent Christian Louboutins that fitted her Valentino dress quite perfectly.

Serena had bought a stunning crème coloured dress and a pair of matching Manohlo Blanic high heels.

Regarding the personal side of their "adventure", Serena wasn't so sure. Of course Blair had seemed quite enthusiastic and had made a happy face all day but Serna had seen the crack underneath it.

Whenever Blair had thought, her best friend hadn't been watching, her face had fallen had been so sad like her whole world was slowly falling apart.

She had looked so lost and broken that Serena's heart had clenched tightly in her chest and had ached for her best friend.

They had been eating a late lunch at the van der Bass' penthouse with a silent Lily and a quite exciting Eric who had dreaded company and who had been glad that there was finally some life in the rather silent apartment.

Eric was missing Bart but even more he was missing Chuck. For Eric, Chuck was not only his brother and a part of his family, he was also the person to turn to, when there was a problem, Eric couldn't handle himself.

Serena had instructed her brother and her mother – while Blair was out of earshot - not to mention Chuck under any circumstances. And she had decided to grab lunch at her penthouse because she had learned during Blair's first bulimic relapse that the tiny brunette wasn't comfortable with eating in public. Besides it had been easier for Serena to keep an eye on Blair.

During lunch, Serena had received a text message from Nate telling her that he and Chuck would both be attending Penelope's party tonight.

Serena had read this text message with mixed feelings. On one side she was glad – well who was she kidding here: beyond relief Chuck was back safe in New York because secretly – and she would never admit that – she couldn't barely admit it to herself – to anyone, she considered Chuck her brother as well and over the last month she had started to love him like Eric.

She had seen a softer side of him that he showed especially towards Blair and Eric (and towards herself and Nate for that matter). She had quickly learned that Chuck Bass took care of those he considered family and friends.

With Eric, Chuck was incredible. He always talked to him like to an adult and not once had he made any nasty comment about Eric being gay – au contraire he had encouraged Eric to be himself and to just fuck on the opinion of the UES's society. And Serena was grateful for that.

On the other hand of course she could kill that Motherchucker with her bare hands for leaving Blair in such a miserable condition.

Besides Serena scared of how Blair might react, seeing Chuck again.

She then had decided not to tell her best about it. She would deal with that later and maybe just maybe it would turn out the best or at least even better than one could hope for.

*********

So far they had been enjoying themselves – at least Serena had.

Blair had tried to put on a happy face to subside Serena's worries for her down.

Serena had been watching her like a hawk all day and Blair was glad that her best friend had relaxed a bit.

She herself had sipped on a glass of champagne first but then she had decided she needed a little more to relax herself and to feel a little bit more comfortable. Therefore she had downed two full filled glasses of the sparkling beverage and for a while it had done the trick.

Compared to her friends and all of the other teenagers on the UES for that matter, she was a light weight when it came to alcohol.

She had felt a bit more relaxed afterwards and her insides had been quite mellow.

She had made conversation with her minors, had talked to a bunch of college girls, Penelope's brother had brought along and had even flirted with a good looking college boy.

For everyone who was watching her, Blair seemed genuinely happy and content with her life.

On the inside however it was a complete different story.

Although she was hurt like hell, she missed him. She missed Chuck desperately.

She craved for him physically and even more emotionally.

Every fibre of her body yearned for his touch. But even more than her physical desire for him, her whole being missed his company. She missed their witty little banters and the way only he knew how to make her feel.

In his company she felt special and desired but on the other hand – and here her mind was wandering in circles – he probably made every woman he wanted to get into bed with him feel this special.

And with those thoughts came the pain again. A pain, not even a little shopping or a good party with gorgeous boys could ease or take her mind of how he broke her heart into a million tiny pieces.

She felt, the now all over again familiar nausea coming up her throat and therefore she grabbed another glass of champagne in the second of an eye blink.

Blair then walked over to Serena to ask her to get some fresh air with her outside.

They were just on their way outside to the terrace when she felt someone's gaze on her.

She turned around and her heart stopped for a beat.

Chuck.

Blair gasped as the air was rushing out of her lungs for a second.

Chuck was back, he was back in New York and he and Nate were here at Penelope's New Years party.

"B, what is it?" Serena' s gaze followed that of her best friend and she spotted Nate and Chuck as well. From what she could tell and see from that afar, Chuck looked awfully thin and pale but apart from that he looked quite put together.

His hair looked like he had had a fresh haircut.

He wore a black tux with a purple bowtie and Serena was relieved, the old Chuck hadn't completely vanished through all of this drama his life had lately been.

"What is he doing here?" Blair's face was ghostly white and she was trembling.

"Nate brought him back this morning."

"You knew about this? You knew he was back? You knew he would be here tonight? What is this" Seriously S, how could you not tell me, he would be here? How?" Blair's voice grew louder and louder as she was once more loosing control. She no longer cared that she had pretended to be ok the whole day. This was just too much.

"B, I'm so sorry, I thought it was better not to tell you. I didn't mean to upset you. Please…"

"Blair…" Blair whirled around startled. She hadn't seen him coming. His eyes were boring into hers, burning her. His voice was smooth as silk sending shivers down her spine.

It only took her second to compose herself when she remembered two young Asian girls standing in front of his door.

"How dare you talking to me Charles? Don't ever come near me again Bass. I'm done." With that she whirled around disappearing into the night, Serena close on her tracks.

**********

Chuck just stood there lost when his senses kicked back in and he was about to follow Blair as well.

"Give her some time man. Let Serena talk to her and Blair eventually comes around" Nate gently grabbed Chuck's arm. "Come on let's get you a drink."

**********

An hour and two glasses of scotch later, Chuck was still miserable. It hurt him to know that he was the cause of Blair's pain. And she obviously was in pain. Blair only attacked when she was hurt. Chuck knew her better than anyone.

He was just about to go searching for her, when a blonde college girl with big boobs and fake hair and nails came over to him.

"Hey handsome, how about you'll get us a drink and we'll see where the night takes us?" she was a bit tipsy and her words were slurry. Chuck was immediately disgusted by her obvious offer – something that definitely hadn't ever happened before he had slept with Blair Waldorf for the first time.

"Get yourself a drink, I'm not interested." He knew he was quite rude turning her down like that but he didn't have the time and the nerves to be polite right now. He needed to find Blair. He needed to make sure, she was ok.

"Maybe that will change your mind" with that Barbie launched herself into his arms and crushed her silicon lips on his.

She tasted like bubble gum and Chuck had shoved her away with some harsh words "take your damn hands off of me" when he witnessed Blair staring at him with wide eyes tears springing into them.

"Blair, wait, I…" he called out for her but it was too late, she was already gone.

**********

He had been searching for her for half an hour when he finally found someone who had seen her.

Hazel had told him that she had watched Blair heading over to the cake buffet and that had caused Chuck to spin around and running towards the bathroom upstairs. He somehow knew Blair wouldn't be in the bathroom downstairs to do what she was about to do. She still was Blair Waldorf and she would never risk to be caught while doing this.

When he pressed the doorknob, the door was locked and he heard the sound of someone gagging.

"Waldorf open that damn door! Blair!"

"Go away Bass!" her voice sounded muffled but determined.

Without a second thought Chuck launched his shoulder against the bathroom door causing it to bang open. And the sight he was seeing, broke his heart. Blair was kneeling in front of the toilet bowl, tears mixed with mascara streaming down her face.

"Oh god Blair, why are you doing this to yourself?" Tears sprang into his eyes as he rushed over to her and brushed her hair out of her face.

Blair closed her eyes for a minute. Serena had talked her to come back inside and then she had witnessed Chuck kissing a blond bombshell and her card house she had been building up today had crashed to pieces. The cake buffet and the bathroom had been the next logical step for her.

She snapped out of her haze and started yelling "stay away from me Chuck, what are you even doing here" Weren't you about to screw that blonde bombshell. What does it matter what I do or what happens to you? I obviously mean nothing to you, so why don't you just mind your own business and return to your new little friend?"

"Do you really believe what you're saying here Blair? Do you? I know I screwed up once again, but…

I'm here because I care about you, I'm here because you're important to me, I'm here because I…"

**tbc…**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry guys for the long wait and this short chapter. I'm really busy with work lately, but I wanted to publish something. I don't know if I sho****uld end this story after the next two chapters or if I should delve farther into the passionate and the complicated relationship of Chuck and Blair. Tell me what you thin. R&R.**

**xoxo, Mia **

"I'm here, because I can't loose you. I'm here for you, because you're the most important person in my life, because you're too precious to me. Please Blair, this has to stop. Let me help you." Chuck was begging now, his voice pleading. And for a moment he caught a glimpse of her eyes softening by his words, but as it seemed his last words had been a horrible mistake. Her eyes turned cold again and her face was a stony mask.

"I don't need your pity Bass or your help. I'm perfectly fine, so you can go back to wherever and to screw whoever. I'm sure your little Asian friends would be more than thrilled to have you back. I'm pretty sure your reputation as the womanizing Casanova of the UES has reached Bangkok as well. And if you'll excuse me now, I have somewhere else to be. If you won't…"

Blair couldn't finish her sentence, since Chuck had grabbed her gently and had crashed his lips on hers. She was about to struggle herself free and to push him forcefully away when his tongue plunged into her mouth, his hands roaming over her body, caressing her gently.

Chuck kissed her like there was no tomorrow and maybe there wasn't one for them, but he needed to show her what she meant to him. And he did it the only way he knew how. He might not be ready to tell her what she needed to hear yet, but he would be damned if he didn't try to make sure what she meant to him.

Blair was lost, her mind was screaming at her to push him away, to send him to hell, but her heart and her body betrayed her. She somehow sensed he was serious here and with her and therefore she just gave in. She just couldn't resist.

The kiss ended as suddenly as it had started. Chuck rested his forehead against Blair's softly brushing her lips with his thump.

"I know, I screwed up Blair, but you honestly have to believe me that that I didn't have sex with those girls or anyone else. I admit I invited some in my drug daze, but I always sent them away. I want to be with you Blair. I know I'm a screw. I know I'm nothing like Nathaniel, to be honest I'm not even close to be anything like Nate, but I'm going to try to be the boyfriend you deserve if you give me the chance."

Blair was taken aback by his words. She could see the sincerity of his words in his eyes, who were as deep as the ocean and who were clouded and pained. Clouded with concern for her and pained for what he had done to her. He wanted to be her boyfriend. Chuck Bass had just admitted he wanted to be her boyfriend. Surely she was dreaming. The Chuck Bass she knew would vanish into thin air only by the thought of committing to someone other than himself.

Blair finally relaxed and brought her arms around his neck as she nuzzled closer to him seeking the warmth emanating from his body or more the heat emanating from his body.

"Oh and just for the record, this blonde bimbo kissed me, she literally threw herself at me, you're the only one I want and the only one I ever wanted."

Blair felt her knees weaken. Chuck just threw her off guard again. As self secure he normally was as helpless he had been in the past with expressing his feelings to her. Of course he still hadn't said the words she desperately wanted to hear from him, but he was trying to make an effort.

"I believe you Bass, I believe you Chuck, so what about we skip that party and go somewhere more private like our penthouse. My mom and Cyrus are still out of town and Dorota is on vacation visiting her sister, so it would just be us. What do you say Bass?"

"As tempting that sounds, I can't, we can't. I have to decline. We still need to talk about what happened here Blair. We still need to talk about your bulimia."

"I'm not bulimic" Blair had tensed in his arms turning distant again. "I'm not Chuck. Do you hear me, I'm not bulimic Chuck." She was practically yelling now.

Chuck knew her better than anyone else. Therefore he knew that he couldn't reach through to her when she was in that mood, so he dropped the subject.

"Ssh, ok, ok, let's go to your place, Waldorf. Come on what are you waiting for. Let's get out of here."

Blair smiled at him and he grabbed her hand leading her out of Penelope's house.

Although he had dropped the subject of her bulimia right now, he was far from letting it go.

**tbc…**


	11. Chapter 11

Hey everyone. First of all, thanks for your reviews. The next two or three weeks are going to be super stressful and therefore I won't be able to update. I try to publish a longer chapter then with more Chair interaction. I hope you stay with me until then.

Thanks, Mia


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everybody, sorry for the delay and that the chapter is so short, but work drains out all energy of me. This chapter is M-rated.**

**If you want to cheer me up everyone, please read and review,**

**xoxo, Mia**

The ride home had been spent in silence. But this kind of silence hadn't been uncomfortable at all. When they arrived at the Waldorf apartment, it was close to midnight. Chuck and Blair reached Blair's bedroom where they watched what was going on below on the now crowded streets of New York.

People were laughing and chatting along as the clock made its way to announce the beginning of a new year. When people started to count down the left seconds to midnight, both Chuck and Blair started to chant in.

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, Happy New Year" it was heard everywhere down the streets, the people hollering and hugging each other like crazy.

Chuck and Blair both looked at each other and then as always they seemed to be magnetic. They kissed each other with passion. Their kiss was so full of intensity that the room seem to be filled with electricity.

Chuck pulled back to gasp for air and Blair seemed to be out of breath as well. They shyly smiled at each other before Chuck uttered a gentle "Happy New Year Blair".

"Happy New Year Chuck"

He hugged her tightly almost desperately and whispered in her ear "please don't leave me".

Blair pulled back surprised by the desperation in his voice. He had sounded like a small child that was afraid to be left alone and to be abandoned by everyone it loved and cared about.

In that second her heart melted and she fell even harder for him than she had before.

"I won't, I promise Chuck".

With that she kissed him again with even more passion and determination than before.

His tongue entered her mouth causing Blair to moan. As hard the death of his father had been for him and still was and as desperate he had become over it, in this moment everything he could think about was Blair and how she felt against his body.

He could feel his erection pressing against his trousers and obliviously she could feel it too as she grinned slightly against his mouth.

Chuck slowly zipped her dress open his fingers running along the small of her back as he pulled it down slowly inch by inch.

Blair's heart beat faster in her chest and her pulse and her breath quickened by the sensation of him touching her like that, of course they had been intimate before, but this time it was different. He had let his guard down and he had shown and told her how important she was too him and she was now more sure than ever that he actually loved her too.

She started to open the zipper of his trousers and caressed his member through the fabric of his Armani boxer shorts.

Chuck let out a loud moan "Oh god, Blair, you're killing me here".

Blair let out a soft chuckle enjoying the fact that he now was at her mercy.

"Ssh, Bass, we're just at the beginning here, it would be a shame, if you would be out of the game before it really started."

Chuck responded with a kiss against her favourite spot on her neck. He ran his tongue along there knowing how sensitive she was there. Blair herself let out a soft moan that grew louder as he opened her bra and gently took one of her nipples in his mouth.

His senses were on overload here, god she was beautiful and perfect and he would do what was necessary to show it to her and to make sure she would see it for herself. He would do everything to help her fight her bulimia even if it meant that he would put up a fight with her. He would make it right this time and he would make sure that he never would loose her.

He started to caress the inner of her tights with one hand while the other hand pulled her panties down.

She didn't hesitate and started to open the buttons of his jacket and his shirt and afterwards pulled his shorts down.

He gently let her over to her bed and lowered her on her back. He hovered over her and inserted a finger inside of her causing her to writhe against him. She shivered underneath him and he could feel how wet she already was.

"Bass, Chuck, please" she gasped out and he couldn't deny her. With one swift motion he entered her, kissing her. He continued his journey of exploration of her with hot kisses against her neck back to her mouth and with his hands caressing every inch of her before returning to her breasts which just fitted perfectly in his hands.

He sped up his rhythm and he could feel her walls clenching around him. His orgasm hit him fast and hard and she just followed him shortly after.

Afterwards they lay next to each other. Chuck couldn't stop running his thump over her arm.

For once in a long time he felt good and kind of at home and this somehow made him feel a lot better than he had in ages. No matter what he knew with Blair, with her on his side he would never be alone.

He finally had found his home. He had found somewhere he belonged. He had found someone he belonged with.

**tbc…**


End file.
